Scary Stuff

January 31, 2010

It might seem like yesterday that your child begged to skip the pages in Snow White because pictures of the evil queen frightened her. Today, her eyes are glued to movies and books chock-full of witches and ghosts and things that go bump in the night. What’s with this newfound fascination for chills and thrills?

“Some kids get a charge out of being scared. They like the way it feels when their hearts race with fear and anticipation. It’s exhilarating!” explains Joanne Cantor, PhD, a psychologist and author of Teddy’s TV Troubles (Goblin Fern Press, $16.95), a picture book for children who have been frightened by media images.

Undoubtedly, some children enjoy this form of excitement a little more than others. Thrill-seekers are attracted to things that appear dangerous or scary, while highly empathetic youngsters get little pleasure from fear-filled moments regardless of whether they know the situation isn’t real, says Dr. Cantor. “To them, if the character in a book or movie is distressed, then they’re anxious too,” she says.

Still, your braveheart probably isn’t ready for the latest Stephen King blockbuster. It’s best to err on the side of caution and say no to a request if you think the experience is too much for your child. “Once a child’s exposed to and horrified by an encounter, you can’t undo that sick feeling of fear, and it can last a very long time,” warns Dr. Cantor. Her research shows that some adults suffer from residual anxieties and fears decades after watching terrifying shows as children.

Finding the perfect balance between pleasant thrills and creepy chills can be challenging. Here’s a look at what many kids find delightfully frightful and how you can help your child experience a healthy dose of the heebie-jeebies.

Live Adventures

Like a contestant on Fear Factor, your child proved he wasn’t a yellow-belly by venturing into his first haunted house or riding his first big roller coaster. If he was with an older sibling or group of friends, pride — not a desire to be frightened — was probably his motivation, and that’s okay.

“Kids bond over these acts of bravery. Plus it shows your child that he has the skills and courage to cope with frightening events,” says Charles Flatter, PhD, director of the University of Maryland’s Institute for Child Study.

Talking to your child about what to expect can help him as he puts on a brave face. (“There will be grown-ups in masks who might jump out at you, but they’re not real monsters. It’s just pretend.”) If he’s still apprehensive about trying the activity, respect his feelings and don’t allow others to pressure him.

Scary Books

Books such as the Goosebumps series are often a child’s first introduction to fun frights. The great thing about books is that your child gets to decide what’s safe and what’s not: When he becomes too frightened, he can stop reading.

“Books are less likely to cause nightmares because the child can use his imagination to tame down the scary stuff,” Dr. Cantor says. If you’re unsure how your child will react to a certain book, read it together and discuss the scarier sections with her.

Some questions to ask: What is she afraid might happen next? What does she think the evil wizard looks like? “Talking through the plot helps your child grasp that the events and the characters aren’t real,” says Dr. Cantor.

Spooky Cinema

Even if your child has memorized every Lemony Snicket book, think twice before heading to the theater for the latest release. Creepy visual images can have a lasting, chilling effect on children.

“They’re in a big, dark room, the images on the screen are enormous, the sound is intense and there’s no way for them to easily stop the experience,” says Dr. Flatter. For these reasons, watching the flick at home makes the most sense (pre-screen the show first).

Reading the book first is a good way to test your child’s readiness for scary stuff, but remember: The pictures your child creates in his head probably aren’t as menacing as those in a movie.

And never force a child to watch a show that’s upsetting her even if it ends happily. “Kids are just starting to connect the happy ending with earlier plots. That feeling of dread, not joy, is what she’ll remember when it’s time to call it a night,” Dr. Flatter says.

Too Much Terror?

If your child’s been frightened, don’t try to rationalize away his fear. (“That’s silly to be afraid of ghosts. You know they’re not real.”)

“When you belittle a child’s fear it takes away a source of trust and comfort,” Dr. Flatter says. Instead, go along with reasonable bedtime requests such as leaving a light on. You can ask him to draw a silly picture of what frightens him (a monster in his underwear drawer) to replace the frightful image in his mind with a funny one. Or show him how makeup, masks and special effects are used to create monstrous appearances.

By empathizing with his feelings, you’ll help him handle future scares.

Jeanette Moninger is a freelance writer.

Top Family Scary Movies

Looking for a good scary movie to watch with your kids? Here’s a list of Common Sense Media’s (CSM) top-rated spooky family DVDs, with CSM's minimum recommended ages to see them and star rating (out of 5 stars).

Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween Movie	3+	Sweet-as-honey Halloween story with Pooh and pals.
It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown	4+	Halloween isn’t complete without this classic.
Monsters, Inc.	5+	Cuddly, adorable, kid-friendly monster movie.
The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad	6+	Two classic stories told in the best Disney style.
The Nightmare Before Christmas	7+	Tim Burton magic with just a touch of scariness.
E.T.	7+	Touching family classic is still one of the best.
Halloweentown	7+	Tween brew: Witchy fun, a pinch of fright.
Halloweentown II: Kalabar’s Revenge	8+	Concoction of magical fun and fright for tweens.
The Bride of Frankenstein	9+	A riveting, funny and suspenseful horror classic.
Beetlejuice	9+	Creepy, dark fun.
Ghostbusters	10+	Paranormal fun for tweens and up; some scares.
Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride	10+	Magical, with scares most 10-year-olds can handle.
Young Frankenstein	10+	Mel Brooks’ corniness yields plenty of belly laughs.
Monster House	10+	Frightful fun for tweens and up.
Hocus Pocus	11+	Rollicking Halloween fun for tweens and up.
Little Shop of Horrors	12+	Comic book creepiness, jazzy tunes and fab cast.
Poltergeist	12+	One of the all-time great haunted house movies.
Addams Family Values	13+	A dark comedy teens will love.
The Sixth Sense	13+	Great, but sometimes scarier than R-rated horror.
The Birds	14+	Classic horror film still gives the chills.
The Host	15+	South Korean creature feature is wild and witty.
Rosemary’s Baby	16+	Keep children away from this scary baby.
The Shining	16+	Creepy suspense/horror film. Older teens plus.