(With appreciation to If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, by Laura Numeroff)
If you stay up too late one night relaxing and catching up on all your recorded shows, then your toddler will wake up at 4am and not go back to sleep.
If your toddler wakes up at 4am and won't go back to sleep, she'll need to have a nap at 9am.
If she goes down for a nap at 9am, then you'll be late for your 10am play date.
If you call your friend to say you'll be late for the 10am play date, your friend will calmly tell you it's no big deal and to take your time.
If your friend tells you it's no big deal and to take your time, you'll breathe a sigh of relief.
If you breathe a sigh of relief, you'll be letting your guard down.
If you let your guard down, you'll suddenly hear a hacking and gagging noise, and you'll look up just in time to see your cat throwing up in your cute new flat.
If you see your cat throwing up in your cute new flat, you'll begin to shoo her away, not stopping even once to think about the consequences, then you'll chase her around the room while she pukes on everything from your carpet, to your throw pillow, to your pile of freshly washed and folded clothes, which includes every single pair of decent, wearable pants.
If you stupidly shoo your cat away from your flat, which in retrospect only cost you $12 for the pair at Fashion Bug, and she throws up on every decent, wearable, clean pair of pants, which you left on the floor next to your bed instead of putting away in your drawers for lord only knows what reason you lazy bum, then you'll need to wear your ratty sweatpants to your play date.
That is, whenever your toddler wakes up from her nap.
Oh, and you'll need to clean up all that cat puke.
And you're going to want a cookie. Or a pancake. Or a muffin.
Jeanne McCullough is a Montgomery County, PA mom. This post was adapted from her blog Mom Hearts Pinot.
