In 2019, Valarie Iosue’s husband, Mark, died after battling esophageal cancer.
After a period of what she describes as “intense grieving,” the mother of four started to dance ballet again for the first time in more than 20 years. Then, she began teaching ballet at Universal Ballroom Dance Center in Collingswood, New Jersey. All four of her kids, Natalia (17), Jaiden (17), Valentina (12) and Nadia (10), are now students there, too.
But in 2021, Iosue was diagnosed with breast cancer. After treatment, she began to model and host a podcast.
She shares about overcoming trauma and finding reasons to live.
What thoughts were racing through your mind after your husband [died]?
The thoughts racing through my mind after he passed away ranged from “I can’t believe he’s really gone” to “What do we do now?” Mark and I raised a family together for 10 years, and now it was just me. I didn’t know how we would get through the soul-crushing grief we were experiencing, but I knew we would figure it out together.
How did you come around to wanting to start ballet again?
Sixteen days after losing my husband, my best friend Sarah passed away after years of struggling with alcoholism. For four months, I slept a lot because on some level, it was healing, and it was my only escape from reality. One day, I sat up in bed and realized that going back to ballet was the key to helping me process the all-consuming grief I was experiencing.
I went to the dance store where I bring my kids for their dance shoes. I walked out of the store with a pair of pointe shoes and a smile on my face.
In what ways has ballet helped both you and your children heal and grow?
I started going to the studio, Universal Ballroom Dance Center, for private lessons and preparing a dance for the Christmas showcase. Sarah’s husband, Jack, started taking lessons with me.
Something magical happened when my kids saw me dancing. They saw how much joy it brought me, and this is when we understood that grief and joy coexist.
What thoughts were racing through your mind after you were diagnosed with breast cancer?
My first thought was, “How am I going to tell my kids?” My next thought was, “How and why is this happening?” It hadn’t even been two years since losing Mark.
I remember telling my oncologist I was nervous to go through breast cancer treatment, especially surgically induced menopause, because I did not want to become a different person. I just wanted to be me. He asked me if I was the same person I was before my husband and friend passed away. He went on to say that every experience we have changes us and we are constantly evolving into different versions of ourselves.
How did that lead to modeling and launching a podcast?
After finishing radiation treatment, I saw an Instagram post from a photographer offering a free photoshoot to a model looking to build a portfolio. Although I was not a model (yet), it was something I always wanted to do. After messaging each other, we set up the shoot at a studio in Philly. After posting pictures from the first photoshoot, other photographers reached out.
In September 2021, a few days after having my tubes and ovaries removed, I felt ready to launch a podcast. I wanted to share my stories of thriving after trauma to inspire and empower listeners. I knew I could help people by sharing this message, but I did not realize how healing it would be for me to share it.
Family Favorites
Way to spend a good weekend: The Camden aquarium, bowling, roller skating and others
Vacation spot: Ocean City, New Jersey
Local spot: Float SNJ and Restore Hyper Wellness
Game: Backseat Drawing
Meal: Everything at Osaka!
