It was 2019 when Edwena Lanier’s younger daughter, Aleemah, came home from school and told her mother she needed to talk.
“She couldn’t take it anymore, and she asked me to sit down,” Lanier recalls. Aleemah, now 13, told her mother that she was being bullied at school.
Lanier’s prior experience with bullying was in mediation as a paraprofessional working with kids in a Philadelphia charter school, but after her daughter’s experience, she teamed up with Aleemah to do something bold: attempt to help school bullies.
As we get ready to celebrate Mother’s Day this May, we reflect on the stories of local mothers in our communities. Lanier, now a project manager for the School District of Philadelphia, lives with her husband, Brian, and two daughters, Aleemah and Aniyah (18), in Philadelphia’s Eastwick neighborhood. She shares how she and her daughters overcame bullying and made something positive out of a negative.
Understanding the Bully
As a paraprofessional, Lanier saw a lot of conflict between youths—at recess, in the lunchroom and in hallways.
“As an adult, you kind of, like, teach them it’s OK—[that] you’re going to have conflict with others, you’re gonna conflict with people for the rest of your life,” Lanier says.
But kids can and should be taught how to resolve these conflicts peacefully.
So, when Aleemah told Lanier what was happening, the duo informed school administration and the girls underwent peer mediation. The bullying soon ceased—but the story didn’t end there.
“She came home one day, and she said, ‘Mom, you’ll never believe what happened,’” Lanier recalls.
The girl who had been bullying her daughter previously had approached her again at recess—this time with a very different goal in mind.
Lanier says the other young girl had admitted the reason she bullied Aleemah was that she herself struggled with reading, while Aleemah appeared to excel. The former bully bravely asked Aleemah for her help in reading, and Aleemah agreed.
Upon learning about this, Lanier felt compelled to share her daughter’s experience to benefit other young people. She partnered with Aleemah to write “Let’s Help the Bully,” a book about two children in similar circumstances, which was published in 2021. It was illustrated by a local eighth-grader.
Following Your Dreams
During this time, Lanier also completed her bachelor’s degree in social work. She is slated to complete her master’s in social work by May 2025.
“I hope my daughters learned to never give up, to continue to chase their dreams,” Lanier says. “I’m not a traditional college graduate. I returned to school after 19 years to finish my bachelor’s degree, and now I’ll be finishing my master’s.”
Just two years after the first book was published, Lanier would write another book—this time with her older daughter, Aniyah. “The Invisible Bully” was published last year, in 2023.
This story, focused on cyberbullying, was set during the pandemic when school went online.
“It truly affects your mental health,” Lanier says.
Building Relationships
Many victims of bullying may be reluctant to involve school officials or their parents out of fear of being labeled a snitch, out of embarrassment or out of doubt that anything will be done.
“Many are isolated and don’t want to, you know, partake in activities or after-school activities because they’re dealing with it,” Lanier says. “If it’s social media, they’re dealing with the horrible comments or [messages in their] inboxes that are being sent to them or if it’s actually, you know, in person, they can be dealing with being pushed or name calling—they can truly, truly affect their everyday.”
Lanier has a word of advice to share with fellow mothers.
“Check in with your kids and see how their day is with school, and check in with their social networks,” she says.
Lanier says she learned from her experience with Aleemah that just asking how her day is may not go far enough to get her to open up, especially on a difficult topic like bullying.
Now, she employs a more specific line of questioning, asking what she had for lunch, what schedule the day followed or how a specific class or activity went.
Good parent-child relationships and communication can help address bullying sooner.
Know an amazing parent? We’d love to share your stories in MetroKids! Email [email protected].
