So I just went on Wii Fit for the first time since before I got pregnant. I figure the time to start getting back in shape is now!
….Who am I kidding… "back in shape" my ass…. let's face it, I was never "in shape" to begin with, so I'm not quite sure who I think I'm fooling with any indication that I'd be getting "back to" some mythical lifestyle I had pre-baby. If I'm being completely honest, there were times in my life when I was relatively thin, but I was certainly not the healthy sort of thin. A better description would be that I was the single-life sort of thin. You know how that goes — you get into a relationship, you get a little comfortable and therefore a little chubby. The relationship ends…. You enter single life, you lose the weight in order to throw yourself back into the game. You meet someone, begin a new relationship, get a little comfortable, and the cycle continues…
So, okay, I figured now might be a good time to think about getting into some sort of shape — preferably a lovelier shape, unlike the "circle" shape I have been rocking as of late.
Dreams of success
I decide that it seems perfectly practical and plausible to lose weight via video game. Plus, how awesome would that success story be? I could post a picture of my avatar holding up her "fat jeans" and triumphantly dropping them to reveal her new skinny little avatar body. Yes, that would be excellent.
It's a Sunday evening when I resolve to hop on the Wii to begin my "weight loss journey." After all, I had just watched Faith Hill shake her post-baby body (sporting thigh high F.M. boots) in the Sunday Night Football opening theme song (my husband really likes this intro — go figure). But at this point, the game is over, my husband is in bed and I've just given the baby a bottle and knocked her out for her long stretch of night time sleep. I have made my resolution — the journey begins here.
Well, it begins just as soon as I figure out how to hook up the Wii Fit. It comes with a "balance board" that you stand on. First, I have to find where my husband put the board…. it's around here somewhere… I vaguely remember him telling me where he would be storing it. Damn, why didn't I pay closer attention when he told me? I've searched all around in tip-toe fashion so as not to wake the baby up, and I am about to give up when I remember that he stashed it behind the entertainment unit. I find it waiting there and bring it around in front of the TV. I'm getting a second wind of excitement. That's right, baby — a new start for me!
Hmmm….. how do I switch the TV from cable to the Wii? Again, this is something that I'm pretty sure Dave showed me how to do, and I wasn't paying attention. arg. Stupid new TV… so confusing. sigh… I decide to take a break and pour a glass of wine… red wine is er, good for blood circulation, so I've heard…. Yes, a hearty glass of Pinot to get my blood flowing- that will do the trick…. I return to my big remote and fiddle around with it some more when I stumble upon the button I need — the Wii Fit logo pops onto the screen. Hurrah!
OK, let's get this show on the road… I pull up my "Mii", an avatar I created that mimics my actions in the video game (sometimes I feel very "Back to the Future" with all this technology!!)…. My Mii informs me it has been 316 days since I last logged on. Like I wasn't aware of that. Thanks alot for the remin—- Wait, sorry, positive attitude, positive attitude!! Deep breath….. sip of wine, followed by another deep breath. It prompts me to step onto the balance board so it can log my weight.
Yikes…. my weight.
Ok, positive attitude, POSITIVE ATTITUDE!!
My weight pops up on the screen. ugh. Deep breath.
Gulp of wine.
The screen then flips to show me my BMI. Suddenly, my avatar's sweet little voice exclaims "That's Obese!"
It's a good thing Nintendo thought to make the little voice so cute and endearing…
Now, I'm only 5 feet tall, so I try to give myself a little pep talk using the angle that it really doesn't take that much weight to throw me into that category — haha — and we can DO THIS!! We can get back on track!
Sigh. I take another long sip before I decide that learning my actual weight and BMI is enough for this evening. Although I did no actual exercising, I commend myself, glass in hand, on a job well done. Because now I know my weight… and knowing is half the battle.
At least G.I. Joe would be proud.
Jeanne McCullough is a Montgomery County, PA mom. This post was adapted from her blog Mom Hearts Pinot.