Rules For Kids

(very serious, no-bending, no fudging, no manipulating, no “earning back” type of rules)

1. The kids are not allowed in our room.

2. Ok, the kids are allowed in our room, but they will not sleep in our bed.

3. The kids are allowed in our room, but they will not sleep in our bed unless they are really sick, really scared or if they peed in their own bed and we are too tired to change their sheets in the middle of the night.

4. The kids will not steal our pillow.

5. The parent will ask the child for permission to have a small corner of the pillow.

6. The kids will not eat candy.

7. The kids will not eat candy on weekdays.

8. The kids will not eat candy on weekdays unless we are in Target and we have no choice but to shove 3 lollipops in their fists to keep them quiet and in the cart so the shopper can focus on buying only essential, premeditated items.

9. The kids will not eat candy unless we are in Target or receive a birthday party goodie bag or find a stash of Starburst in my purse and a meltdown ensues. Or if we are at the bank, the dry cleaner or the hair dresser and there is a friggin’ bowl of candy staring them in the eye.

10. The kids will only eat like 5 to 10 pieces of candy per day.

11. The kids will not play video games.

12. The kids will not play video games during the week.

13. The kids will not play video games before school during the week.

14. The kids will not play video games before school unless they’ve brushed their teeth.

15. As long as they’ve brushed their teeth, the kids will tell the parents when they deem it an appropriate time to play video games. On any given day.

16. In sum, the kids will not come in our room, eat candy or play video games EVER. Never. Ever. Ever. Unless a situation arises wherein the whining makes us do crazy things that we said we’d never do. But only in those very specific circumstances will we succumb to the rules and values that we hold as parents for our children.

17. Oh, one more thing…we will never, ever take the kids to McDonalds.

18. Ok FIIIINE!!!!!! We can go to McDonalds but ONLY just this once, dammit.

And I mean it. No really, I do….

Lindsey Schuster is a former elementary school teacher turned stay-at-home mom. She blogs at The MotherChic

Categories: MomSpeak