- Been thrown up on
- Been locked out of the house by the kids
- Tended a skinned knee while cringing and feeling faint by the sight of blood
- Read a book to them using funny voices
- Hid from the kids to get a moment’s peace
- Forgotten to put money from the tooth fairy under their pillow
- Told them Chuck E. Cheese wasn’t open, so you didn’t have to go
- Claimed having no change for those ridiculous amusement rides in the mall
- Snuck vegetables into a dish via puree or shreds
- Pawned off a challenging/embarrassing question posed by the kids to your spouse
- Fed them popcorn or pancakes for dinner
- Caught yourself watching or listening to a kids’ program or music or brushing a doll’s hair without realizing the kids aren’t with you
- “Borrowed” money from the kids
- Skipped pages in a book you read to them EVERY SINGLE night, and hope they don’t notice
- Forget your camera for an important event or milestone but have a million goofy candids
- Washed the floor only to have a kid spill something on it that very day
- Red juice on white carpet – Enough said
- Send your child to school/daycare without realizing he/she has a fever
- Settled for a Pajama Day because you just don’t feel like getting dressed or dressing them
- Kept the kids up just a little longer because you’ll miss them
- Sent the kids to bed earlier because you desperately needed a break
- Forget to brush their teeth
- Hide a noisy toy because it’s driving you crazy
- Bribed them to stop a temper tantrum in the supermarket
- Hid somewhere so you could consume a favorite, coveted snack without pleas and demands to share
- Used them as an excuse not to go somewhere or do something
- Dressed your kids in stained clothing or poorly for the weather, hoping no one will notice
- Stepped or tripped over a toy, nearly maiming or straining yourself
- Spent a sleepless night with your child
- Put a diaper on incorrectly and realized too late…ahem, accident
- Bought your daughter/son an expensive outfit/toy he/she didn’t need because it was so adorable/cool
- Missed the kids’ school bus
- Skipped a meal because you forgot or were too busy with the kids
- Survived a public meltdown
- Were critiqued by another parent or adult who thought they were being “helpful”
- “Stole” your kids’ holiday candy because that Twix bar looked irresistible
- Forgotten to make their lunch or give them lunch money
- Waited and waited for your overeager child to go to sleep so Santa could come
- Cursed or said something you shouldn’t and heard them repeat it later
- Had your most embarrassing flaw pointed out and announced to the world
- They caught you and your spouse…you know!
- Endured going to the bathroom with the door open and a kid audience
- Hid their favorite clothing that they stubbornly wore for days and refused to let you wash despite the dirt and stains
- Fell asleep while playing a kids’ board game
- Not fully explaining why your goldfish is doing the “Dead Man’s Float”
- Fudged the time so a game would end or a nap could begin or you’ve had enough of monitoring them outside
- Pretended you were tired but, really, you wanted to be by yourself
- Let them run around with dirty faces and no shoes
- Found your child playing in your make-up – smushed lipstick and dangerous mascara wand included
- Innocently allowed your child to play with your phone/computer and discovered they’ve accidentally called Thailand or downloaded a scary-looking porn site
- Understood the homework less than they do
- Had your child mistaken for the wrong gender
- Hearing claims that your child looks exactly like you, and you just don’t see it
- Allowed the kids to watch excessive amounts of TV because you needed to get something done or needed a break
- Expressed indignation when someone constructively critiqued your child
- Couldn’t wait for a toy to break so you could throw it out
- Expressed a sigh of relief when the bus arrived or grandma came by to pick up the kids
- Embarrassed your child in public
- Let them win
- Finished your child’s food because you were hungry or didn’t want to waste it
*If you can check off more than one of these, CONGRATULATIONS, you’re a REAL MOM and fulfilled your parenting obligations.
M.B. Sanok is a South Jersey mom and a blogger for JerseyMomsBlog, where this post originated.
