Mommy's Not Guilty Anymore

Never say never. Because that thing that you swore you would never do?  Providing that it's not illegal, immoral or just plain wrong, you may find yourself doing it.

When I was a kid I swore, made a spit oath and some other such 9-year-old nonsense that I was never, ever, ever, going to treat my kid the way my mom treated Buffy and me. I was never going to talk to my kid the way my mom did, never treat her the same, never be whatever other wrong that I thought my mom was guilty of or whatever other injustice I thought I was victim by the whimsy of my mom.

In happier timesPresently I am channelling every lesson that I learned from my mom as The Bee has turned from sweet to kid to Middle School Beast.  Let me set the record straight: in the grand scheme of things The Bee is not a bad kid but lately she seems a bit more…surly.  Simple requests are met with a snapped one word answer, conversations are like pulling teeth, sometimes just being around her is a chore!  Her face is so long and drawn that I swear she's going to trip over her own lip.

I thought myself prepared; the kids at my library keep me on my toes daily with their unusual brand of nonsense. Young ladies rolling their eyes so hard that one may think they will pop out or at the very least cause some type of muscle strain, young men stalking away when asked about how their day went.  It's pure shenanigans! But I thought The Bee and I were different. I ignored the (always) unsolicited advice from people of tween-aged daughters who would warn me that my relationship with The Bee was about to drastically change.  Foolishly I thought that I was Rachee and that all of that stuff would not apply to me.

Wrong!

The stranger that has possessed my kid is really ticking me off. First, this means daily battles for even the most mundane thing. Secondly, and more importantly, my mom was right. I hate to admit it but my mother was correct and that there is a little bag of comeuppance that I need to swallow.

The stranger that has possessed my kid is really ticking me off.

I can remember my mom always seeming to have an attitude. Angry about everything it seemed. "Fix your face" she would hiss as we went to a family gathering. "Straighten up!" she'd order as we went to something that I probably didn't want to attend.  Often Buffy and I used to laugh and make fun of a lecture that she gave us, the "I do, do, do for you" speech (we obnoxiously made a song about it!). Yet I say without a hint of irony…I get it. 

I do for The Bee the things that I am legally liable for as well as the things that I think she will enjoy because that's what moms do.I want her to have more than me, be more than me and if I can pave the way, then she can have an easier time.

Perhaps that's the problem.  Perhaps she needs to stumble a bit, have a harder time and then she may just get out of that pissy funk that she seems so fond of.  It's hard for me to watch her struggle but after the long faces, the lips poked out, I'm okay with stepping back and I don't feel guilty at all.

Rachée Fagg is a Delaware County, PA mom. This post was adapted from her blog, Say It Rah-shay.

Categories: MomSpeak