Dear Santa…

I know I'm sending this message during your busy season, so I hope it reaches you in time. I just want to let you know that my daughter has plenty of toys. Seriously. We're all good over here, so no need to have one of your elves whip her up a new gadget or babydoll or Fisher Price plastic doodad. This child is not without. Trust me, she has plenty to play with over here.

But listen, I was wondering…. since you're not using that elf to churn out more crap for my kid, do you think you could send him my way? Those merry little munchkins look like hardworkin' happy-go-lucky guys and gals, and if you can spare one, I've got a dirty bathtub with his or her name all over it!

In fact, here's a deal for ya — Dave and I already got a new dollhouse with all the furnishings for Anna, and I intend to write your name on the tag under "From", so you're totally off the hook. It'll be our little secret *wink wink* And let's face it — you could use the extra street cred, too — you know what I'm talkin' about — you've seen her reaction to you at the mall. You kind of come off as a pretty creepy dude. Plus, she's 2, soooo….. I'm not even quite sure she gets the concept of you anyway…. we probably got another year before she starts demanding to have the latest item she sees advertised on Nick Jr., so why waste a good thing like one of your little workers on my kid?

Since you're not using that elf to churn out more crap for my kid, do you think you could send him my way?

In return, you can just drop that tiny yuletide workhorse off here at your convenience. I mean, like, tonight would be great cause I have a lot of stuff to get done before the holidays…. but no pressure! Seriously, whatever works for you. I don't want you to have to make an extra trip, so I'll take him on the 25th — I'll just stock up on some new Rubbermaid containers so I'll be ready to put him to work doing all my Crazy New Year Organizing. And there's always vacuuming and mopping, am I right, Big Guy?? That stuff isn't just seasonal if you know what I mean!

Look at me, rambling on and on. I think you get the gist and you see how we can both benefit here. I'll let you get back to it all — so thanks for the elf in advance and good luck with all that prep before the big day! Merry Christmas!


Jeanne McCullough is a Montgomery County, PA mom. This post was adapted from her blog Mom Hearts Pinot.

Categories: MomSpeak