Fatherhood often comes with a heavy expectation for dads to be strong no matter what, but dads need support, too—especially when circumstances fall outside the norm.
The Special Fathers Network (SFN), founded by David Hirsch, supports fathers raising children with disabilities. The program is part of the 21st Century Dads Foundation, a nonprofit dedicated to combatting father absence.
Hirsch, who was raised by a single mother, is an advocate for father involvement. The Chicago-born father of five founded the Illinois Fatherhood Initiative, which was the country’s first statewide nonprofit fatherhood organization, as well as the 21st Century Dads Foundation.
“Kids need so much more than just the financial support that a father provides,” Hirsch says. “They need [fathers] to… be present physically, to be present emotionally and be present spiritually.”
On his mission to encourage fathers, Hirsch authored six books, including “21st Century Dads: A Father’s Journey to Break the Cycle of Father Absence” and five compilations from the SFN “Dad to Dad” podcast.
The podcast has more than 300 episodes so far, each one with a different father talking about personal experiences and challenges covering topics from employment to autism and rare conditions.
Episode 163 features Jim Stovall, founder of the Narrative TV Network and an author and speaker. Stovall is best known for his book “The Ultimate Gift,” which was made into a feature film.
In the episode, Stovall, who is blind, talks about his upbringing, about learning he was going to lose his sight, about his friendship with Ray Charles and his journey to advocacy.
“This is somebody that I’ve admired from a distance for decades and decades, somebody who is just the most amazing role model for so many different people in situations,” Hirsch says.
Other episodes of the podcast tackle hard topics like the loss of a child.
“It’s a parent’s worst nightmare, but you know, it’s reality and, you know, that’s not the club you want to be a part of but if you find yourself in that situation, there is some comfort in knowing that you’re not alone,” Hirsch says.
SFN provides fathers with inspiration and information. Hirsch notes that while membership is encouraged, some dads just need inspiration or insight on a weekly basis from listening to a podcast or a YouTube video. Some dads might attend one of the weekly meetings for SFN’s MasterMind groups, and some dads just want to tune in to the conferences.
But the original vision of SFN, and the network’s primary function, is to connect dads to other dads on a more personal level, in a mentor-mentee style program. Today, SFN has more than 700 mentor fathers who provide friendship, advice and community for fathers across 12 countries.
SFN in the Delaware Valley
SFN’s “Dad-to-Dad” podcast once hosted Brian Martin, the father of twin boys Tyler and Calahan, in its 164th episode.
Tyler and Calahan were born at just 23 weeks and four days, weighing a combined 28 ounces—a world record as of 2004. The current record-holding twins were born at 22 weeks and one day.
The Martin twins were born prematurely because of medical complications, according to their father. Following their birth, they spent four months in the hospital before they were allowed home. At 6 weeks old, Calahan suffered an infection which led to cerebral palsy.
Within days of finally arriving home and fending off news crews, the Martin family made an unfortunately quick return to the hospital after Tyler became ill. Tyler was transported by helicopter to the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, where he would remain until he was 18 months old.
The twins celebrated their first birthday at the hospital.
“We leaned on each other, Melissa and I,” Martin says of his wife. “Our families were tremendous supports.”
Today, Martin continues to encourage fathers to be vulnerable, ask questions and allow others to support them.
“Most people, especially fathers—I think everybody though…guys tend to be more macho and try and tough it out. It will just boil up inside of you,” Martin says.
Martin says he’s learned to focus on the positives and pay more attention to the can-dos than the can’ts.
“For Calahan, it’s his smile. Every time he smiles, it’s like winning the Super Bowl. Tyler, too …just seeing happiness. As long as they’re happy, we’re happy,” Martin says.
