Jealous Mom’s Confession
by Tara Koup
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Tara Koup is a Phoenixville, PA mom. MetroKids invites Delaware Valley moms to share parenting insights with our readers in an essay of 500-650 words. Just send an e-mail to editor@metrokids.com with Essay in the subject line and your article attached. If we publish your contribution, we’ll send you tickets to an area museum or attraction.
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I’m a jealous mom. Sure, there aren’t any dirty clothes in the hampers and I haven’t ordered takeout recently (unless you count the $3 lunch at McDonalds). But I still can’t seem to shake the feeling that all the other moms are doing everything better.
I don’t know how my working friends get through the day. The same goes for my stay-at-home friends. I feel like I’m faking it, and not very well. Their homes seem cleaner, their figures seem smaller, and their children seem calmer. And I think what am I doing wrong? Why can’t I be more like them?
I try my best. I really do. But maybe at the end of the day, I’m just lazier. Maybe I watch too much TV. Maybe I just don’t know what I’m doing, and this is my best.
One day, I hope to find the answer. I’m secretly wishing that I’m too hard on myself; maybe everything isn’t as it seems, and maybe I really am doing a great job. I really hope. In the meantime, here’s a little of what I go through internally everyday:
• My friend stayed home with her little girl for two years before going back to work full-time. Now I’m constantly thinking that I should go back, too. I’m wasting my degree, skills, etc.
• The lady I work with uses cloth diapers. Why don’t I use cloth diapers? I’m destroying the world, one Huggies at a time.
• My mother-in-law’s home is always clean, and I just know it was like that when my husband was young. Looking around my home, I don’t even know where to start. Maybe I need to read more of those speed-cleaning books. Or never sleep. Either one would work.
• Another friend has two kids who still nap — and one is almost four! Is it because she feeds them no sugar? Makes them listen to classical music? I want sleeping kids, too!
You get the picture. Berating myself constantly, comparing my faults to others’ strengths. I’m sick of making myself feel bad. I’m tired of asking my husband how I could be better. After all, I’m not a bad person — right?
Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to accept me as who I am — a mother who loves her children every second of every day. They’ll grow up just fine with crumbs on the floor, unmade beds, and yes, even hampers full of clothes.
This time is temporary. While each day drags by so slowly, each year flips to the next so quickly. I’m starting to realize that these years might be the best time of my life, so why am I wasting it being concerned about everyone else?
For all of you other jealous moms (I know you’re out there. I meet you all the time), why not try my route? Give up. Forget who brought the better snack and which child can recite the ABCs. Ignore the looks while carrying your tantrumming toddler.
Most importantly, ignore that internal commentary telling you who is better. Forget it all as you look at your child’s huge eyes, lighting up because his entire world revolves around you — and you wouldn’t want it any other way.
Tara Koup is a Phoenixville, PA mom. MetroKids invites Delaware Valley moms to share parenting insights with our readers in an essay of 500-650 words. Just send an e-mail to editor@metrokids.com with Essay in the subject line and your article attached. If we publish your contribution, we’ll send you tickets to an area museum or attraction.