1. Talk to your teens. According to Brad Norford, PhD, a clinical psychologist who practices in Bryn Mawr, PA, “The most important ingredient in teen dating is the parent-child relationship and having open communication.” Dr. Norford says teens want information.

He suggests discussions about values, sex and relationships should not take place in an old fashioned, birds-and-the-bees-style lecture. “It’s not a good idea to go about it like you’re having ‘the talk’ about dating,” he says. “It’s better to do it in everyday conversations — in the car, while doing chores, etc.”

2. Allow teens to go out in small groups. “What’s important,” says Dr. Ruth, “is that there should be a smooth progression, so that a young teen is going out on group dates first, and not starting out with a steady boyfriend or girlfriend.” Younger teens enjoy hanging out together. Make yourself available, if possible, to drive your teen and friends to a movie or other activity.

3. Set personal policies. Teens will be making decisions on their dates, but they still need boundaries from a parent. Some policies you and your teen might agree on: A curfew. No alcohol. Date details should be known. And number one on the list, according to Dr. Gilda Carle, author of Teen Talk with Dr. Gilda: A Girl’s Guide to Dating (HarperCollins, $12.95), should be “Don’t ever do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing.” Teach your child that she is special. It will give her more courage to handle peer pressure and say no.

4. Make teens feel welcome at your house. Dr. Ruth urges parents to facilitate group get-togethers so “you’ll know what they’re up to.” Make your basement comfortable, stock up on snacks, have video and board games available and be tolerant of noise and mess. Dr. Ruth warns, “If you come down too hard on your teens, then they’re not going to volunteer your home as much.” The teens will go elsewhere and you will lose contact and control.

5. Listen, listen, listen. “You don’t want to burn the communication bridge,” says Dr. Norford. “Rather than a quick yes or no answer,” he suggests that parents listen to their teen and “stretch the conversation out.” This will give the teen an opportunity to think the idea through and the listening parent will have the opportunity to understand what the teen is thinking about. If you are quick to judge or say no, your teen will simply stop asking you. It’s important to make yourself what Dr. Ruth calls, an “askable parent.”

6. Define dating. “Parents need to sit down with their teen and ask them to define dating,” says Dr. Gilda. “Be sure you understand the language your child is talking before you deem what he’s doing as positive or negative.” Dating could mean simply that your teen likes texting a boyfriend or girlfriend, or it could mean a whole lot more.

7. Discuss healthy relationships. Start these discussions early. “It’s easier to talk to younger children before they start dating.” Says Dr. Mark Lowenthal, PsyD, a psychologist who works with adolescents in Maplewood, NJ. “Don’t wait too late,” says Dr. Lowenthal. “Age 12 is not too early.” Be honest and direct. Give teens information about what a good relationship means. The more they know, the better they will be able to make healthy decisions. If it’s hard for your teen to have these “talks,” buy a book and leave it in his room. He’ll read it when he’s ready.

8. Discuss the dangers of dating. Unequal feelings between partners, unrequited love, a broken heart, sexual pressure, STDs and even violence are dating dangers. “Dating violence among teens is a common and disturbing problem,” says Krishna White, MD, of Nemours/Alfred I. DuPont Hospital for Children in Wilmington, DE. She emphasizes that dating “allows teens to learn to communicate and be assertive, make decisions, negotiate and learn from mistakes and successes.” So don’t try to frighten your teen from dating, just be sure she is aware of the potential dangers and give her strategies for protection.

9. Rehearse situations. Feasterville, PA psychologist Micheal J.Bradley, PhD, author of Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy! (Harbor Press, $14.95), says it can be very helpful for parents and teens to rehearse potentially difficult dating situations. What would you do if the driver started driving recklessly? What if your best friend wants to break curfew to go to another party? What if your boyfriend or girlfriend makes you feel like you have to submit to sex? Your child may feel pressured to do something she doesn’t want to because she has no response. Give your teen every opportunity to make a better decision, Dr. Bradley advises.

10. Encourage a teen to trust his instincts. Dr. Bradley has seen many teens who have been sexually assaulted and he is amazed that the common response is, “I never thought it could happen to me.” Teach your teen that she has the right to get out of any uncomfortable situation. Use the rehearsal strategy to anticipate bad situations. Make your teen feel secure that if she needs a ride home from any place, any time, that you will be there. Remind teens again and again that if it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it!

Harriet P. Laveran is a local freelance writer.

You Were There Once Be patient as your child makes mistakes. Offer support and a listening ear. Says Dr. Michael Thompson, coauthor of Best Friends, Worst Enemies (Ballantine Books, $14.95), “Parents should remember their own awkwardness and fumbling attempts at sexuality. If you remember your history, you’ll have compassion for your kids.”