Mother-Daughter Book Clubs Build Bonds
by Carolyn Hirschman
Many parents crave alternatives to the barrage of MTV, computer games and other electronic media. A quiet but thriving trend — mother-daughter book clubs — offers a new twist on an old form of entertainment.
“It shows that books can still bring people together,” says Carla Hayden, president of the American Library Association. “It bodes well for the life of the book.”
Bonding Through Literature
Part literature discussion, part social time, many mother-daughter book clubs start as girls enter their pre-adolescent years, around age 8 to 10. The clubs not only encourage mothers and daughters to read more — a worthy goal in itself — but often spark discussion of sexuality, drugs and other issues that can be difficult to talk about.
Sensitive topics can be broached more easily when discussed in the context of a novel and its characters, participants say. “It’s a neutral, effective way to talk about issues that affect the family,” Hayden says. “Sometimes it’s easier to talk about a third person when it’s not you.”
For example, Deborah Ellis’s The Breadwinner, about a girl in Afghanistan, can prompt discussion about the status of women and girls in the Third World and how it compares with their situation in the U.S.
In the pressure-free environment of a living room or café, there are no writing assignments for school, no other classmates to impress or fear. Girls can lead discussions and say what’s on their minds. Moms can gain insight into the often hidden worlds of their preteen and teenaged daughters.
Different Reading for Mom
Bonding is just one benefit of these single-sex book clubs. The other is the chance for mothers to read books for young readers that would not normally make it to the bedside nightstand.
“For the moms, it’s a surprise that young adult literature is so enjoyable,” notes Shireen L. Dodson, author of The Mother-Daughter Book Club (HarperCollins, $14) and 100 Books for Girls to Grow On (HarperCollins, $14).
Common titles in mother-daughter book clubs include classics such as Madeleine L’Engle’s A Wrinkle in Time, Jack London’s White Fang and Louise Fitzhugh’s Harriet the Spy, as well as more modern fare, including Holes by Louis Sachar and Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech.
Girls don’t have to be avid readers to benefit from a book club, though it helps if they’re in the same or nearly the same grades, mothers say. The chance to participate in a discussion with their peers can pique any girl’s interest.
In many clubs, girls choose which books to read, based on their own
reading or friends’ recommendations. Some clubs require any assigned books to have been read by at least one member as a way to ensure quality and appropriateness.
Many mothers intervene to make sure the subject matter is right for girls’ age and maturity level. Dodson says that in her clubs, “the daughters pick, but I do believe in” parental veto power.
Dodson suggests that new book clubs develop reading lists a few months in advance, with each girl choosing a book for her host meeting. Librarians and bookstore owners can suggest titles, and Dodson’s 100 Books for Girls to Grow On contains short summaries, discussion questions and suggested “beyond the book” related activities.
Some clubs also draw from school reading lists. Most avoid popular series, such as the “Babysitter’s Club” or “Goosebumps,” which girls are reading already.
Getting Organized
The first step in starting a mother-daughter book club is to form a group small enough to fit everyone comfortably in a meeting space, but large enough “so that if one or two couples can’t make it, you still have enough for a discussion,” Dodson says. The suggested minimum is six mother-daughter pairs; the suggested maximum is 10 pairs.
At an organizational meeting, members decide when, where and how often to meet. Many clubs meet every month or six weeks at a regular time, usually a weekend afternoon or evening, rotating among members’ homes. It’s helpful to create and distribute a membership list with members’ names, addresses, phone numbers and e-mails and to have a volunteer notify members of future meetings.
Meetings last about two hours, with the discussion phase taking from a half-hour to an hour or more, depending on the girls’ ages and the weightiness of the issues.
Refreshments and a game or craft that relates to the book’s theme or characters can take up the rest of the time. It’s a creative boost for the girls to plan and a nice break after the discussion. Outings to a movie or play based on an assigned book are a special treat.
The Mother Daughter Book Club at Springside School, a Philadelphia independent school for girls, meets four times each school year.
This year the club discussed The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and The Second Summer of the Sisterhood by Ann Brashares, To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, The Thief Lord by Cornelia Funk and A Northern Light by Jennifer Donnelly. The club maintains a website, www.springsidemotherdaughterbookclub.com, which contains its schedule, book reviews and author interviews conducted by students via e-mail.
The club began three years ago as the idea of students Erica Swan, Sarah Dafilou and Megan Speight, now 8th graders. Librarian Linda Kuffler encouraged them.
“It’s helped me to enjoy reading for pleasure more,” says Beth Ann Swan, Erica’s mother. “The books are high quality. They come from the school reading list.”
Last year Jennifer Holm, author of the Boston Jane book series, spoke at Springside after book club members contacted her.
Daughters Run Meetings
It’s important for mothers to let their daughters run the meetings, Dodson says. Her advice: “The Type A mothers need to take a back seat. This is your daughters’ club.” She adds, “It’s not an opportunity for mothers to lecture. It’s an open discussion for dialogue back and forth.”
Many clubs leave it up to the host daughter to prepare discussion questions, plan a related activity and kick off the meeting. Mothers, especially those of younger daughters, can gently prod conversation by asking follow-up questions such as, “Why do you think the character felt that way?”
The only downside of the book clubs, members say, is deciding how to replace members who leave. Every girl wants someone different to join, but they always seem to work it out. Most people stick with the commitment, even when sports, family time and other activities make life hectic.
Dodson eloquently states the case for bonding through books in The Mother-Daughter Book Club. She writes, “That’s what the Mother-Daughter Book Club is all about. Staking out that special garden space, tending it lightly together, inviting a handful of others to join in and sharing the harvest of pleasure and discovery. And the growing season never ends!”
Carolyn Hirschman is a freelance writer.