Kids Can Conquer Social Skills Challenges
School, activities and professionals can help, but parents play a central role.
by Deirdre C. Wright
Most of us know the importance of kids learning social skills. But the term itself is so broad. What exactly are these skills? And who’s responsible for teaching them?
Just learning to be polite isn’t enough, especially for children whose lack of skill goes beyond mere shyness. Some need instruction on what it takes to make and keep a friend. We all know that an adult with weak social skills can have difficulty seeking a life partner or job.
Types of Challenge
Many children suffer from anxiety and are uncomfortable in groups. Others are diagnosed with disorders such as Asperger syndrome, with its single most challenging characteristic being an inability to understand the subtle (and not so subtle) nuances of social interactions.
Other children struggle with controlling impulses, such as those with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), or with issues such as depression. Even children with learning disabilities can become isolated and feel rejected by peers.
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For More Info
ASCEND. The Asperger Syndrome Alliance for Greater Philadelphia, offers social skills articles and other resources. 610-449-6776, email: info@ascendgroup.org, LD OnLine. This learning disability resources site includes a section on “Behavior and Social Skills.” It links to more than 40 articles on social competence and emotional well-being. www.ldonline.org Michelle Garcia Winner’s Center for Social Thinking. This website outlines a therapist and educator’s “social thinking” philosophy. www.socialthinking.com Organization for Autism Research. OAR offers some terrific and free downloadable guides, such as “The Educator’s Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome.” That guide includes a section how to “Educate Peers and Promote Social Goals.” www.researchautism.org Ricklavoie.com. Author Rick Lavoie’s website includes articles, podcasts, links and other resources for building social skills. Lavoie is the featured speaker at ASCEND’s Nov. 10, 2006, conference. Scholastic. Search: “social skills” for articles on topics such as “5 Ways You Can Help When Your Child Has Difficulty Relating to Peers.” www.scholastic.com |
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Children participate in “circle time” in preschool. Teachers use this time to teach social appropriateness. Many elementary schools embrace the idea of the Responsive Classroom, a program developed by teachers that weaves social and academic learning throughout the school day. But some children need more help.
“Many schools offer social skills groups, and a well-run group can be quite helpful,” says Cathy Grayson. She and colleague Becky O’Hara, offer social skills groups in Bala Cynwyd, PA, for preschoolers up to 4th grade. Grayson is also an autism consultant who works with many Delaware Valley school districts.
“Moving beyond a typical social skills group, some schools offer a ‘lunch bunch,’ says Grayson. “In a typical cafeteria, the noise level is high and multiple conversations go on, making it difficult for a child with social challenges to interact.
“This concept moves the lunch period to a small environment, perhaps a classroom or therapist’s office, where kids who have issues sit down with typical kids and an adult. The adult can facilitate in a natural way in areas where the challenged child’s breakdowns occur.”
Schools and educators can put together cost-free or inexpensive programming that works. It simply takes imagination and a little time.
Find Professionals
There are many different approaches to building social skills. An array of private social skills groups and programs are available. Many work toward social competency by building a group around common interests, such as sports, art or drama.
“With all the different approaches, the important variable is that we need to remember the group is the first step,” says Grayson. “We need to ensure that we’re building a bridge from the group to the school to the home birthday party. Also, it’s important to be sure the kids in a group are close in age and have similar issues in order for the child to get the most out of it.”
For some kids, work with a therapist can be quite helpful. “I give recommendations that are tailor-made for the child,” says Brad Norford, PhD, a Bryn Mawr, PA, psychologist who specializes in work with children and adolescents. “The way you teach the skills varies depending on whether that child has anxiety, is on the autism spectrum or is acting out due to a behavior problem.”
The Parents’ Role
Strategies and groups can provide a good basis for learning skills. But parents need to play an active, creative role to help their child apply those skills to the “real world.”
What is the child’s special interest? An organization that focuses on a special interest provides an opportunity to bond with others who like art, bugs, sports or drama, for example. To be helpful, an organization should be open-minded about encouraging social relationships for challenged children.
“I think it’s important to get the child with social difficulties involved in something after school and to start at a young age.,” says Diane Perry, a training facilitator for the Institute on Disabilities at Temple University. “Also, as a parent, it helps to build relationships with the other parents as a step toward developing friendships for the child.”
A visit with the director of a potential activity allows parents to describe their child’s needs and assess the group’s friendliness toward promoting social competence. Parents can offer suggestions for how to integrate their child into the team or group.
One mom of a child with Asperger syndrome discussed her son’s social challenges with his golf camp coach. The coach built etiquette such as how to look the other player in the eye and shake hands into the camp routine. All the participants came away with improved social skills and the parents were pleased.
The payoff for social competence can be lifelong. Rick Lavoie, author of It’s So Much Work to Be Your Friend (Simon & Schuster, $25), quotes a research finding to stress the value of social skills: “Positive social relationships in childhood and adolescence are a better predictor of adult happiness than either IQ or academic achievement.”
Deirdre C. Wright is a freelance writer specializing in children with challenges.