Kids with Autism Need Holiday Preparation
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Holiday Autism Resources
• To learn how to write a Social Story, visit the Gray Center website at www.thegraycenter.org. • Adult family members and friends can also use preparation in hosting a child with autism. To read a “Holiday Letter” suitable for printing and sharing, visit www.autisminfo.com/holidayletter. |
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Ah, the holidays. A time of joy and giving and parties and traveling and — for parents of children with autism — inevitable meltdowns. Many people feel stress around the holidays. For kids with autistim spectrum disorders, the holidays can be especially trying. How do parents of those kids make the most of the holidays? Prepare, prepare, prepare.
Social Stories. Many parents of children with autism are familiar with Social Stories, a tool developed by Carol Gray, a gifted teacher, speaker and author. These stories, written by parents or teachers, explicitly describe any situation, skill or concept. They help the child gain an understanding of events and expectations and are invaluable during the holidays. (See sidebar.)
“In order to have success, Social Stories must be very specific and detailed,” says Cathy Grayson, a Philadelphia-area educational consultant and coauthor of the book Parenting Your Asperger Child (Perigee Trade, $14.95). For example, if your story involves holiday travel, “include even mundane details, such as what the hotel clerk might say as you check in, and contingencies, such as running into heavy traffic.”
Pictures of places and people. One clever mom gives her child a key ring filled with laminated pictures of places and people the family will visit. The child’s downtime in the car is used to flip through the pictures to familiarize her with what’s about to happen.
Putting those pictures in order is important, too. If the first stop is to check in at a hotel, download and print a photo of the hotel from the Internet and put that first. A picture of a relative’s house might come later with a photo of that relative. Small photo albums work well, too.
Dealing with big gatherings. Being the first to arrive at a party can reduce anxiety. “This helps the child who becomes overwhelmed with people greeting him when he first walks in the door,” says Grayson.
Giving the child a “job” works well, too. Warming up to relatives and playing with unfamiliar kids can be very stressful. If the child knows that her job is to hang up the coats or hand out hors d’oeuvres, it gives her something to do and promotes conversation.
Conversations and being polite. It’s important to practice the kinds of conversations you might have at a holiday party. How does a child respond to “What did you get for Christmas?” Not by listing everything from the candy canes in the stocking to the new Game Boy. Kids with autism are sometimes unsure of just how much or what kind of information to impart. Give the child basic responses to probable questions and small talk.
Teach the child how to be gracious upon receiving a gift. A child with autism might blurt out an inappropriate “But I already have this!” that mortifies his parents and stuns the gift-giver. Let the child know ahead of time that even though he may not be thrilled with a gift, he needs to be thankful and kind to the gift-giver.
Food issues at parties. Many kids with autism, like typical kids, are very picky eaters. But kids with autism can make a meal particularly unpleasant for everyone when confronted with unfamiliar or non-preferred foods. Smart parents bring along foods that their children are sure to eat if the host doesn’t mind, or have the child eat ahead of time. It’s also helpful to serve the food at a similar time to the child’s usual mealtime.
Escape options. One mom says, “We host Christmas dinner at our house for about 30 people. I tell my son that it’s okay for him to retreat to his room if the crowd becomes too overwhelming.” When not at home, seek out a quiet, away-from-the-crowd area where the child can play with familiar toys or watch a favorite video. Find that spot before it’s needed and give the child permission to escape for a while when anxiety is running high.
These are just a few tried-and-true strategies for ensuring the most enjoyable holiday experience for the child with an autism spectrum disorder and his family. Avoiding that dramatic explosion is key. How best to do that? Know when your child has had enough and head for the door. Anticipate the meltdown before it happens and everyone will have a better time.
Deirdre C. Wright is a freelance writer specializing in children with challenges and vice president of ASCEND Group, Inc., the Asperger Syndrome Alliance for Greater Philadelphia.