Things Not to Do, Ever



This week has been one of learning. Most of these go without saying, but in case you are drunk, confused or simply impulsive, here's my go-to list of things not to do, ever:

 

 

  1. Be the parent who is smoking a cigarette in the school parking lot.
  2. Brag out loud about cheating on your spouse.
  3. Take a picture of someone bragging out loud about cheating on their spouse.
  4. Take pictures of people who are not you and make those pictures go viral.
  5. Get your picture taken with a testicle mascot named Mr. Balls.
  6. Sit with strangers at a banquet and then take strangers' wine and begin offering wine to others, as if you brought it.
  7. Refer to your children as the "the cancerous one and the other one." Or as "the fat one and the skinny one."
  8. Tweet about pleasuring oneself.
  9. RSVP to an event as a "maybe, not sure if something better might pop up. Will have to weigh my options."
  10. Give your hyper, misbehaving child candy in an effort to "keep them awake."

Because, really, if they are smacking my kid and throwing stuff on the floor, they are clearly already awake.

Trish Adkins is a South Jersey mom. This post is adapted from blog, Yoke.

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