Mom's bucket list

  • Been thrown up on
  • Been locked out of the house by the kids
  • Tended a skinned knee while cringing and feeling faint by the sight of blood
  • Read a book to them using funny voices
  • Hid from the kids to get a moment’s peace
  • Forgotten to put money from the tooth fairy under their pillow
  • Told them Chuck E. Cheese wasn’t open, so you didn’t have to go
  • Claimed having no change for those ridiculous amusement rides in the mall
  • Snuck vegetables into a dish via puree or shreds
  • Pawned off a challenging/embarrassing question posed by the kids to your spouse
  • Fed them popcorn or pancakes for dinner
  • Caught yourself watching or listening to a kids’ program or music or brushing a doll’s hair without realizing the kids aren’t with you
  • “Borrowed” money from the kids
  • Skipped pages in a book you read to them EVERY SINGLE night, and hope they don’t notice
  • Forget your camera for an important event or milestone but have a million goofy candids
  • Washed the floor only to have a kid spill something on it that very day
  • Red juice on white carpet – Enough said
  • Send your child to school/daycare without realizing he/she has a fever
  • Settled for a Pajama Day because you just don’t feel like getting dressed or dressing them
  • Kept the kids up just a little longer because you’ll miss them
  • Sent the kids to bed earlier because you desperately needed a break
  • Forget to brush their teeth
  • Hide a noisy toy because it’s driving you crazy
  • Bribed them to stop a temper tantrum in the supermarket
  • Hid somewhere so you could consume a favorite, coveted snack without pleas and demands to share
  • Used them as an excuse not to go somewhere or do something
  • Dressed your kids in stained clothing or poorly for the weather, hoping no one will notice
  • Stepped or tripped over a toy, nearly maiming or straining yourself
  • Spent a sleepless night with your child
  • Put a diaper on incorrectly and realized too late…ahem, accident
  • Bought your daughter/son an expensive outfit/toy he/she didn’t need because it was so adorable/cool
  • Missed the kids’ school bus
  • Skipped a meal because you forgot or were too busy with the kids
  • Survived a public meltdown
  • Were critiqued by another parent or adult who thought they were being “helpful”
  • “Stole” your kids’ holiday candy because that Twix bar looked irresistible
  • Forgotten to make their lunch or give them lunch money
  • Waited and waited for your overeager child to go to sleep so Santa could come
  • Cursed or said something you shouldn’t and heard them repeat it later
  • Had your most embarrassing flaw pointed out and announced to the world
  • They caught you and your spouse…you know!
  • Endured going to the bathroom with the door open and a kid audience
  • Hid their favorite clothing that they stubbornly wore for days and refused to let you wash despite the dirt and stains
  • Fell asleep while playing a kids’ board game
  • Not fully explaining why your goldfish is doing the “Dead Man’s Float”
  • Fudged the time so a game would end or a nap could begin or you’ve had enough of monitoring them outside
  • Pretended you were tired but, really, you wanted to be by yourself
  • Let them run around with dirty faces and no shoes
  • Found your child playing in your make-up – smushed lipstick and dangerous mascara wand included
  • Innocently allowed your child to play with your phone/computer and discovered they’ve accidentally called Thailand or downloaded a scary-looking porn site
  • Understood the homework less than they do
  • Had your child mistaken for the wrong gender
  • Hearing claims that your child looks exactly like you, and you just don’t see it
  • Allowed the kids to watch excessive amounts of TV because you needed to get something done or needed a break
  • Expressed indignation when someone constructively critiqued your child
  • Couldn’t wait for a toy to break so you could throw it out
  • Expressed a sigh of relief when the bus arrived or grandma came by to pick up the kids
  • Embarrassed your child in public
  • Let them win
  • Finished your child’s food because you were hungry or didn’t want to waste it

*If you can check off more than one of these, CONGRATULATIONS, you’re a REAL MOM and fulfilled your parenting obligations.

M.B. Sanok is a South Jersey mom and a blogger for JerseyMomsBlog, where this post originated.

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